how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize