I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
