I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
