When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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