Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
