Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up under a house in Key West
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
