gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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