Old men and throwing up are my life now.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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