Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
