i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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