he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize