just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
