I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
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