Nicole vs. Life
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
