Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
