I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
