You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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