So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
