So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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