So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
