It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
