this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
