i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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