Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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