I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
