i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
