the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
