i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize