They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
