mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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