It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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