There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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