Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we're making bets on your personal life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
