remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
