The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Randomize
