Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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