You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
