Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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