My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I currently don't understand fingers.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
