my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
