Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's never too late to be topless.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
