This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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