your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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