Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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