bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
false alarm, still single
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
