The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
should my penis look like a turkey
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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