you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
