You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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