Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
