Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
