Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
