Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
