When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
