My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
