Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
