I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize