is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
