if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
