He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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