his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
