whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
