At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Randomize
