he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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