I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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