she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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