Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
