i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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