she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
wow bdsm is so cute
I came so hard my ears popped.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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