Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
