dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
