Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
