Pants 0. Shit 1.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize